Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
