He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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