For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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