And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize