if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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