I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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