Small penises have feelings too.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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