you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
