I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
