No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
