You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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