Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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