I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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