Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
