I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
