So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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