So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
