He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
