If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
