Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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