there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
