Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
