Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
