It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
