if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
