We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize