omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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