I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
