I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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