Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
