First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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