I am midnight drunk by noon
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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