I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize