I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
