just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
