If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
