there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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