dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
