today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
