Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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