i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
