That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
