I hate your face
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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