It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think your dad took our porno
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
