After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize