We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
