I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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