Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
