garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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