You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
