You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize