It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
