Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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