SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
