Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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