tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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