im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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