He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
