The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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