Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
