Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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