i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
