I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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