its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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