Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have already put on my inside pants.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
