I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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