Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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